The Secret of Loving

The Secret of Loving

Josh McDowell

Disclaimer: This is just a summary of the book and not the whole content of it... Please go to any Christian book store, go to Boy-Girl-Relationship (BGR) section, and I'm quite sure you'll find this book... Buy it and read it! :)

How to be the right person in a loving relationship?
You are the secret.

This book gives various insights on how to be the right person and this is the secret of loving.

  • 2 Fears: Fear of never being loved, Fear of never being able to love
  • Qualities that you want others to have, measure them to yourself first.
  • Be proud of the one you love.
  • Who do you think you are? are you worth it? Yes, you are of great value and worth to God (1 Cor 6), You are worth the price God paid for you, which was Jesus. You are better than one in a million. Don't bother of being someone else since you yourself is unique. "I have loved you" (Jer 31:3), "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son" (John 3:16)
  • You don't have to be the best to be accepted, but you must do your very best. "Because he will have the personal satisfaction of work well done and won't need to compare himself with someone else" (Galatians 6:4)
  • Keep clear channels, a relationship means combining two different lifestyles, experiences, personalities into one single unit. Keep a good communication, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak" (James 1:19). If you are an extrovert, beware not to monopolizing the conversation. Listening is more than just hearing, it's about caring and understand the feeling of the other.
  • Becoming a better communicator:
1. Work at it. - It may seems difficult, but you have to adjust yourself.
2. Learn to compromise. - And sometimes compromising things you like for the sake of other.
3. Seek to understand. - Understand the real meaning of what other want to tell you.
4. Affirm your spouse's worth, dignity and value. - Appreciate his/her thoughts.
5. Be positive and encouraging. - Encourage each other.
6. Practice confidentiality. - Don't tell other what is confidential.
7. Wait for the right time. - Sometimes, it is better to wait.
8. Share your feelings. - Say "how you feel" and "what you think".
9. Avoid mind-reading. - Don't assume you know all.
10. Give a response to show you're listening. - React physically, Request more information, Reflect on what has been said, Repeat or rephrase statement with feeling, Remain silent when someone is telling a story, Refrain from concentrating on your answer, Express your encouragement and appreciation.
11. Be honest. - A skillful and loving communicator is sensitive to the consequences of his words and actions.
  • A relationship is not without conflict. Resolving these conflicts is important. There are many wrong attitudes regarding conflicts:
1. Failing to acknowledge the problem.
2. Withdrawal from problem.
3. Ignoring the conflict's significance.
4. Spiritualizing. - Quoting the bible verses is sometimes another way to run away from solving the conflicts.
5. Keeping score. - Don't refer to the past to resolve conflict.
6. Attacking the person instead of the problem.
7. Blaming someone else.
8. Desiring to win no matter what the cost.
9. Giving in just to avoid the conflict. - Directly give up is not good
10. Buying a special gift for the other person. - Don't try to buy a way out of the conflict
  • Some good attitudes regarding conflict:
1. Acknowledge that you're fallible.
2. Take responsibility for my emotional reactions.
3. Seeing the other person's side in the conflict.
  • Some tips to solve conflicts:
1. Search the scriptures for the area of conflict.
2. Search for facts about the other person and the situation.
3. Prayer.
4. Seek wise counsel.
5. Dealing with your emotions first.
  • Learn to forgive, forgiveness is oil to a relationship, to soften rigid edges.
  • Becoming trustworthy
  • Stress is disease to a relationship, and here are the list of symptoms:
1. An unexplained change in your effectiveness
2. Irregular performance
3. A pattern of absence
4. Cooled relationships

How to know that the love you feel will last?
Mature love is the Key

3 types of love:
1. Love-if, "I love you if you ..."
2. Love-because, "I love you because you are ..."
3. Condition less-Love, "I love you no matter what, I love you in spite of what you may be like deep down inside"

Things to remember: True love is G-I-V-E, Show respect and reverence, Joy in being together, Being realistic, Protecting others, Commitment, Dynamic Growth - it's getting better as time goes by, Being creative in your relationship.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello Kitty: The Funny, The Weird, And The Horrifying

Image
Source: Hello Kitty: The Funny, The Weird, And The Horrifying Thanks to the marketing skills of Japanese company Sanrio, Hello Kitty’s cute-cat character has been going strong for 35 years and has become an internationally-recognized brand. One of the most diverse and unpredictable places in the entire universe, the world of Hello Kitty encompasses a vast collection of strange products that dazzle the mind and serve as material for an extensive list of noteworthy weirdness. Since there are thousands of Hello Kitty products in just about every category imaginable, it’s difficult to find the weirdest of the weird. Furthermore, many Hello Kitty pictures floating around the Internet are actually photoshopped fakes, so it takes some time to figure out what’s real and what’s not. Still, I managed to scrape together this list of examples that appear to be legitimate products. So, hold on to your seats and get ready to be entertained, disturbed, and maybe even sexually abused
Read more

The Most Enlightening Speech: What's Better Than...

Manila, Philippines -- This speech was delivered during the commencement exercises of the UP* graduating class of 2003 by Mr. Butch Jimenez, the youngest commencement speaker in the university's history. He once dreamed of doing so, and it came true!!! :-) Students wished they had a pencil or paper to jot down notes during the speech; some even wished they had a tape recorder. Some members of the faculty found his speech practical, refreshing, and funny! * UP = University of the Philippines Butch Jimenez, head of PLDT's media and strategic communications department, delivered this speech at the UP Diliman Class 2003 commencement exercise. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- What's better than...? By Butch Jimenez Better than being negative As college students, you're just about to set sail into the real world. As you prepare for the battleground of life, you'll hear many speeches, read tons of books and get miles of advice telling
Read more

Dr Lee Wei Ling - Why I choose to remain single

Sun, Apr 05, 2009 - The Straits Times My parents have a loving relationship, but I knew I could not live my life around a husband By Lee Wei Ling My father became prime minister in 1959, when I was just four years old. Inevitably, most people know me as Lee Kuan Yew’s daughter. My every move, every word, is scrutinised and sometimes subject to criticism. One friend said I lived in a glass house. After my father’s recent comment on my lack of culinary skills, another observed: ‘You live in a house without any walls.’ Fortunately, I am not easily embarrassed. As long as my conscience is clear, what other people say of me does not bother me. Indeed, I am open about my life since the more I try to conceal from the public, the wilder the speculation becomes. My father said of my mother two weeks ago: ‘My wife was…not a traditional wife. She was educated, a professional woman… We had Ah Mahs, reliable, professional, dependable. (My wife) came back every lunchtime to have lunch with the
Read more